Fucked up right? It’s true. If it’s one thing you should be it’s honest. Epilepsy changed my whole outlook on life, one seizure at a time. Everyday, it became less about living and more about “I wonder when the next one is coming?” Other thoughts come and go that hinder me and hold me back from the life I want to live. The more these thoughts came and sat in, the more I was scared of living. Fucked up, right? How could I not have them? The more the years went on, the more my Epilepsy evolved. People I had connected with had succumbed to this invisible illness. Friends, family and even myself didn’t understand this illness resulting in the distancing. It just felt like it had started getting too much. Taking those two steps forward and five steps back. Living really became more scarier than dying.
Why say that? Why not. I’m not a negative person, at least not fully. I just do not want to sugar coat it. It’s the way it is. I have seen so much involving my Epilepsy and how much it’s evolved over the years that it’s made me have this mindset. Now, I don’t reside there. No, that’s no way to live. I do embrace it and am thankful for it. You may ask yourself “what? Are you fucking crazy?” Well, I could be and honestly, I have been called worse. Let me explain real quick and to the best of my ability. I embrace it because I know the only thing that can make me feel this negative feeling that seems to chase me is if something so beautiful once anchored me down. I have learned to take that bad with the good and vice versa. It’s what makes this thing called “Life” so amazing, mysterious and full of wonderment. It may not be easy to see on those cloudy days but I assure you, it’s there and those clouds clear. How must I know this? Because I too deal with it. It is a constant struggle.
I’m sure you have read my little rants on here that talk about our path to wellness. Everyday is something new and allows me to write a new page in my book “Life: A book about me”. I also have a multitude of things that help me along the way like my tinctures, my edibles and so on. In addition to those, I also do things like my hikes, my greenhouse gardening and other things. These help so much clear that head space, especially my hikes. There is nothing like a good, long hike with some great music to let the mind wonder. It also allows you to clear your head from those negative thoughts. If you like to have a toke, bring your pre-rolls, bring your flower and that dry herb vape, hell, bring your whole Happy Kit you’ve heard me talk about! Your options aren’t limited. Even if you don’t, just get out. It’s those little things on a daily that lead to bigger and better down the road.
I know it’s hard, trust me. This isn’t me assuming shit, this is me saying I have been there, still there and have my days. It doesn’t go away. Does it get better with time? Yes and no. There are just some things that time can’t heal, you learn that you have to take control because you are the master of your sea, you are the author of your book. You have to learn to make your soul happy. Also know, you’re not alone even though there are days where it may seem the world is against you. You are loved my friend. Some days, you may need a day or two to rest and gather your thoughts and that’s okay, do it! I’m gonna leave this here for not only you guys but for me as well because I too am right there with you. See, I told you that you weren’t alone. Thanks for reading you goofy goob. Now, go out there and seize the day, seize that moment. You never know, you may never get another one. Stay safe out there, stay medicated and relax, it’s natural! Thanks for reading. I love you guys!